quarantining myself is a good choice on these occasions and i feel that's a good start. but i need more. i need to continue adding tools to this toolbox. i need cognitive flexibility, and consistent follow-through, to be and feel ready whenever it strikes. i need a distinct military subdivision that does nothing but wait around for this alarm to sound, so it can scramble all the fighters at the first sign of trouble.
handling life is all about being prepared, and being prepared is all about forming new habits, habits that take care of me for me. and forming new habits requires me to focus on the process and keep the long term goals in mind, rather than dwelling on immediate circumstances.
my immediate circumstances could have been different, if i'd only prepared for them. if i'd only done something good for myself before i really needed it. i wish that i didn't need so much so often, especially from people. i wish i could go back to being alone and still, without pain. i wish i could go back to who i was before valerie. i wish i could be not pathetic