- exploding, ground-breaking
- building, growing, seeking, fulfillment
- learning the hard way
- more learning the hard way
- slogging, trudging
- plodding, struggle, pain, struggle
i can feel my mind decaying , my heart slowing and growing feeble from lack of use, while (in unwelcome contrast) my body strengthens and some of the outward-most circumstances of my live improve. my blog reflects all three of these processes, mostly by remaining un-updated.
as a realist i have to admit that the things which matter most to me, will both improve and worsen multiple times (respectively) before my life is over. oddly, or perhaps not so oddly, the pessimist (who inhabits my heart and not my mind) in me says the worst thing that could happen is stasis, rather than decline.
i find myself wondering whether i should add 'stasis' to my very short list of fears. perhaps, for me, failure and stasis are nearly synonymous.
we will see. regardless, it'll be helpful to look back at this post later on in life. i hope i someday reach the place where, upon looking back, i smile and shake my head and say, "wow. could you have been any more needlessly emo?"
if my life right now is a food, i am cotton candy, being stretched and melted and dehydrated, then twisted and pulled, and finally, dissolving ever so slowly in time's hungry mouth. i am attenuating.