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Saturday, March 14, 2009

life and love and WHY?

it seems to me that the most dangerous thing a woman can do is let her so-called luck decide the quality of her love life. (luck: a clever synonym for either "i guess hopeful ignorance is the best we have until we all evolve into clairvoyants" or else "if i only knew how much the past i didn't choose dictates the future i don't realize i'm choosing.")

becoming the love of a woman's life gradually (or, sadly, sometimes suddenly) gives a guy access to the rest of the woman's life in every other area, and even to the woman herself! the rewards of good luck can never compare to the rewards for hard work & careful, responsible choices, but the consequences of bad luck can ruin everything, in a heartbeat... sometimes everything including the heartbeat, which is a horrible but true thought.

and how can we spend so much time and effort choosing which new shirt or CD to buy, but still call blind dates fun? shouldn't we be calling them Russian roulette? i realize one can be responsible and careful when going on blind dates, but really... the people who do so are basically playing Russian roulette with a cap gun. i still don't get the point of it. wouldn't you rather play a game with less chance and higher stakes? less danger, more reward? less risk to your heart, and more potential for a life of fulfillment and dreams come true?

i'm sure most of the people who read this are not the people who most need to hear it, but perhaps one or two of you can be reminded of what you are now realizing you already know. and maybe the rest of you will have an opportunity to pass it on.

sorry to sound like a dad, but it must be said: be cerebral when it comes to romance. enjoy your friendships, but let your values inform and even critique your affections. learn from your past so that you can choose the future that's best for you. wait for the right(eous) person. be patient. seek the advice of someone wiser and calmer than you. don't let your destiny choose you, because i'm telling you, there are many more undesirable destinies out there than there are desirable ones.

let's see, what other tired old platitudes can i employ here to overemphasize and complicate my relatively simply message...? oh, hey, how about this: life is like a box of chocolates. you have to really hunt around for the yummy ones. no, no... that 'y' word gives the opposite of the impression i'm aiming for. i need something on the borderline between sobering and scary. how about this instead:

the dating game is like a white elephant gift exchange, except you play it with a bunch of strangers who don't even know themselves.



  1. I know and believe all of this. But you of all people know it's much different when your married versus being on the front lines again.

  2. your feelings are different. reality isn't.

  3. This post reminds me of something that CS Lewis would say, be rational in your choice for a mate- Compatibility!
    Love the quote: "there are many more undesirable destinies out there than there are desirable ones." There are many more dead ends in life then there are outlets to major streets. Have you read Celebration of Disciplines? This post reminds me of themes from that book. Good work. :-)

  4. I'm so glad that by the time I read this post I have learned pretty much everything you've addressed, through personal experience and I am able to now enjoy reading this post without feelings of shame, defensiveness or even regret. I can just enjoy the wisdom of it and bask in thankfulness for God's merciful protection over my life and trust Him for my future relationships.

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