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Thursday, July 31, 2008

my blog is in love with me

have you ever woken up and wondered, "when did i decide to take a nap??" and then answered yourself, "i didn't consciously decide to. i must have been so tired that i automatically stopped what i was doing, got up, searched for and found a comfy spot, curled up, and conked out in a matter of seconds..." ?

have you ever accidentally fallen into a good habit?

have you ever finished explaining & expressing something very important to you, only to realize that you just spent a great many breaths rambling on and on, to someone who never asked you about any of that stuff?

~ ~ ~

much of my recent blogging material has been hijacked.

my train of thought left Limbic City at 2:10 a.m., destined for the outer blogosphere, but it took a wrong turn somewhere in OC, and completely missed its last-chance stop at the ACCX terminal. it ended up leaving my body completely, via the Parapraxis highway.

then, it did it again... and again... and again.

today's post has only made it through by some miracle. or fluke. or both, depending on your perspective and your values. (yes, you... the reader.)

the good news is that i am still myself. especially when i am alone, as i am now. i have not, nor will i ever, abandon my self completely. we'll always be friends.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

epiphanies are overrated

now i know why i have disdained the whole "make new friends" deal, and why other people do it without questioning it.

now i know why my monthly blog count dropped to zero or so.

now i know how i lost my confidence, my ability to live life alone, my power over life, my iron heart, my inner strength, my solid sense of self.

...and all of that knowledge helps me not at all, because it's too late to change any of it.