about this blog
you should know that it's optimized for Firefox, because IE sucks. =P
in contrast with my other blogs, this one's for more introspective \ personal stuff. if you read this, you're most likely a close friend of mine. welcome! =)
please comment, if you have thoughts or questions. the me i'd like to be is thought-provoking, and i cannot become me without others who care. i need you.
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my God-given addiction
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do you enjoy keeping secrets from me?
i only enjo...
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the book of isjami
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things you do that infuriate me
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Friday, December 21, 2007
un-depress me
...in 3 complex steps.
- i don't want sympathy, or empathy... neither is helpful. i have nothing to be depressed about! and i can't be comforted without a reason, even though i'm depressed for unknown reasons. ask me questions that will yield long, thoughtful answers. example: why are you depressed? lol this one is so funny, because i never really know, but i'm always trying to figure it out, so it's almost a fool-proof question. i'll never be able to give you a quick answer, because a simple "i don't know" would be apathetic, which i'm not; but it's also true that even if the explanation is simple and thorough, i can't give that answer, because i never have it. so you'll inevitably get me to think carefully, which is probably what i need when i'm feeling recklessly.
- play me something acoustic. it's got to dance between major and minor. that limbo, or twilight, or sway?, is my ear's favorite place to hang. a few jazz chords usually help, too. poetic lyrics, but not too poetic... you know the kind, where you think you know what the song is about overall, but there are a few lines that completely throw you off.
- leave me alone. i mean this in a geographical sense, mostly. if you can think of a way to interact with me without demanding any energy from me for you, then you're probly good. i think perhaps this is due to my overdeveloped sense of responsibility, enhanced by my agape paradigm (1Cor13). i think being with people takes so much out of me, not only because of my introversion, but because i am subconsciously (very much so) assuming that i am giving to the other and not receiving anything in return. i have a hard time receiving anything from people, both by will and by nature.
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about me
| Name: |
Isaiah Micu |
| Location: |
Fresno |
| Status: |
Married |
| Age: |
22 |
| Height: |
5'6" |
| Weight: |
133 lbs. |
| Eyes: |
Brown |
| Hair: |
Dark Brown |
| |
| AIM: |
isjami19 |
| E-mail: |
moc.liamg@imajsi |
| Cell: |
9098.039.955 |
links
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our prayers
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2 Comments:
well, i can't exactly do anything to challenge the third one... but i was wondering: is it weird, or perhaps unwanted, if my reaction to this sort of post (the last one, as well) is wanting to be there, and just sit with you? and i do mean just sit; none of that trying to make you feel better sort of thing (i've learned). would that require too much energy from you? i mean, i know being with people in general does, so... well, yeah. i guess i was wondering your opinion.
Wouldn't it be amazing if in our relationships we could have times when we can be with people who can recieve from us without our conscious giving and from whome we can recieve without their conscious giving? I think this requires us to accept ourselves and each other just as we are and to just be. Yes, just be together. Not DO anything particular, but just be in the company of another and be fully present with ourselves simultaneously. I experienced this for a few moments with you on a Sunday morning. It was all on my side because I have no clue what your experience was, but it was one of the most fulfilling experiences I've ever had. I won't ever forget it because it was totally unusual and the first of its kind. What made it even weirder is that it was with you, a relatively unfamiliar married man, instead of a family member or long time friend. We just sat in the front row of the church after morning practice and ate our granola bars and chatted about vocal health techniques, or the lack thereof. We drifted into a conversation about how I try too hard to know how to sing and when I just let go I suddenly have all the knowledge and ability I keep trying to learn with my conscious mind. Then we just sat there. We were silent for a while. I could have sat there in silence with you for longer, but I left because I felt uncomfortable with my idea that you may be uncomfortable. But when I left I was more uncomfortable with the feeling that I had abandoned such a precious moment. I truly hope my revealing this isn't inapprpriate in any way. You are my friend. I will always be your friend even if you someday decide not to be mine. I will never cross any boundaries to ruin our friendship or my friendship with Val. It is a whole new experience God is facilitating between me and the men in my life. I am learning to interact and love men for whome there will never be a romantic attachment. Sure, I knew how to do that with my dad and my brother to some degree, but due to the nature of my childhood abuse my tendency toward inapprpriate male relationships has gotten me into some bad situations and even worse into a bad place in my psyche and heart. God is allowing me corrective relationships, if you will, and I am feeling so safe and secure with the men in my life. Even better than that, I am feeling safe and secure with myself in regards to them. I walk with Jesus and I spend time with men who walk with Jesus. There is safety when we walk with Jesus, closely. We are still human and prone to temptation, but I trust my Jesus to guide my heart and the hearts of others in my life who are following His commands. I am happy to be single and learning something I couldn't learn if I wasn't single at this time in my life. The only time being single really bothers me anymore is when it causes others to feel uncomfortable because they don't know me. I get to wondering if they think I'm a danger to them because I'm not securly attached to someone by marriage. Truth is, even if I was they may still feel insecure because their suspicions of me has nothing to do with me. Man, I comment like I'm posting my own blog. what is up with that?
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