moon-bathing

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in contrast with my other blogs, this one's for more introspective \ personal stuff. if you read this, you're most likely a close friend of mine. welcome! =)

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Credits: C. S. Lewis
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Monday, November 05, 2007

sun-bathing?!

this is a very odd time of day for me to be blogging.

this is a very time for me to be awake. dang time-changes and... i don't even know. it took me at least an hour to get to sleep last night, but i think i dozed off before 1am! and this morning i lay in bed for an extra hour after i woke up, and when i looked at the clock finally, it was 8:55a!

anxiety attacks, inexplicable urges to be outside, to stay away from my room, fear of the dark... what is that. who is that? last night i didn't even turn on my laptop before going to bed! and i felt better than i had the rest of the week. more at peace. it felt like peace was actually flowing into the room through my open window, maybe to make up for the emotional battles on nights preceding.

i've been feeling the changes in the story for months and months now. what i wasn't expecting was this: that i would become more dependent on people. this is backwards. i'm getting older. i'm supposed to be moving towards independence.

i keep telling myself i need a retreat, but i don't have the resources to take it. i do know that i've been enjoying the changes so far, except for this most recent. i think i'm losing my grip on something essential to my health, something at the core of my personality that's not supposed to change.

this is all wrong. i need to get out.

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